im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
