direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
