we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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