Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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