yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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