I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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