So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
