P.S. I can't hear my feet
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize