Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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