I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
