erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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