I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
