my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
