If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
