I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
why is half of my head shaved?
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