I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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