I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
