Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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