Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My feet surprised me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
