whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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