almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
