what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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