And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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