i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
