She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
