So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
