His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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