Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
