cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
