I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
