i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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