what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
