it hurts more in the daytime
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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