You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
