Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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