Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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