Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
