You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
