I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
