2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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