If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
