feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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