You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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