textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
