Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
