homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
