even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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