I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
