i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
