if you like me you must not know who I am
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
