I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
