he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
