woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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