Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
