I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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