I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im part way to drunk.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
