i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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