I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
