I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize