I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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