Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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