how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
