sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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