Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
