K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
