So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
