My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
