is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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