he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
