We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
