Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
