Fuck appropriateness.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
