The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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