Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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