I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
