I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
