shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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