Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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