I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
