And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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