i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
