He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
