So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
