sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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