Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Help me help you realize you are a moron
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
