I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize