Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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