yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
