The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
