how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
