The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize