It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
