If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
