1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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