Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
