just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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