He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
