Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize