Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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