He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i need some magic done to my vagina
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
