I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
