I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize