i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
