he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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