Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
