Jerry, you need to find god
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
