Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
