There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
