Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize