Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
