no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
